Strictly Personal

My next short will have a financial backer. There is not a better affirmation of my work when someone decides to spend their own money only because they like my work and would like to see my idea come to life.

This is one of few smooth projects. The hardest part was coming up with the title. The best part was the collaboration with Carmela. It is getting easy to understand each other.

Watch and Read all about it

I was at the Annapolis film festival this weekend as my short Dear Stranger was playing there in a shorts program. Where do I start?

Like expected, people generally liked the film. They liked the shooting style, the editing, the eye. But they also liked the story and the actors. But there is something holding it back from a great movie. As I have thought before, there is a general problem with pacing. Not in terms of cutting as much. Which I think I fixed but in terms of story. There wasn’t a surprise till the end. The key moment is the entrance of the new guy. He doesn’t invade her life. The first time is too normal. That little moment has a huge impact on the second part of the story. It is cohesive but not dramatic. This is what I felt when I watched it. When that scene came, I just looked down, unable to watch it.

I was very proud of Dear Stranger. I would not have traded that film with any other at the festival. But that depresses me. I am not a crowd pleaser. I may not even be the award winner. I am not the buzz creator. I sadly like small moments. I don’t think this is a good thing.

I also can see how festivals could be better. I think proximity is important. Feeling like you are part of something is important. A tradition. A family. I think festivals miss the boat on this.

I enjoyed being around the filmmakers. But everyone is there for one reason, to promote their projects. It is hard to exchange ideas. Do people do that anymore? Do people only spark ideas within themselves?

I liked being the mini-celebrity (very very mini). I had something to say and have done something of significance. That was nice.

The best parts of the trip was when Kelly and I were lost. Bored in a hotel room. Excited that there was a restaurant at the hotel. Kelly being more nervous than me. Hanging out with people I know afterwards. Talking. Driving late at night, silently challenging myself to do better.

I did see some good work there. Documentaries continue to be more interesting than fiction for the most part. I was looking all around the frame and not the subject. That is fun to do in docs.

I can’t wait to do all this again.

My lessons from directing Indian Giver:

• You will not understand the nature of the piece till you have everything on one timeline. Till then, it is all a dream.
• Figure out your editing plan. Figure this out or you will creative energy will be sapped when it comes time to edit.
• Again, always get more than what you want. Take a gamble on other emotions, ideas that weren’t in the script. You will always need it.
• Remember you did well to recover from bad weather. The story shifted away from the original and that was probably a good thing.
• If you going to do a story in a music video, be detailed about the plot and hi and lows of the song. Make sure the movements are correct.
• If possible, pick actors and other stuff based on flexibility. Because Lindsey lived so faraway, I could not shoot any reshoots. I had one shot. And because the weather was screwed up, that simply wasn’t enough.
• On a positive note, the camera work was good. Making something out of nothing.
• I didn’t achieve anything with the editing till it got messy. Till I started making choices. Till then I wasn’t going anywhere. Being editor, don’t be afraid of losing the plot a little. Of getting your hands dirty.
• If you are going to do something that works in a subtle way. Also include obvious scenes, even if you don’t plan to do anything with them. The obvious moments made this video. Otherwise, it was very very bland.
• Subtlety works well when something else is very obvious or direct.
• Actor chemistry is so important. Important that people meet and you have a chance to watch them interact.
• Many times actors work when the camera likes them in the same angles.
• HD is overrated. Lighting is underrated.

Some videos take so long, that you wonder if you will ever finish it. Because of weather, I had to reconstruct a story from the pieces of videos that we had shot. Reshooting was out of the question because the actress lived faraway and the person who lent me the camera did not want to give it out anymore.

When I finally started to edit, almost six months after we shot it, I faced the long tedious task of deciding what goes with what. Not just what cut comes after the other but what goes next to it. This was the longest part of an edit. Once I had the pieces even somewhat aligned, the pace started to quicken.

But the combination of editing HDV in dual windows on a computer that had very little RAM became torture. Every cut had to be rendered. Every step had a 3+ minute break in between. Never again. I don’t know if I could have made it better than what I did but at the end of it, I had no enthusiasm for the piece and that is never good.

Watch it here 

Dear Stranger got into the Annapolis film festival, a great festival but also it made it in the competitive section. I was just complaining about that. When I read the news, all this stress, all kinds of insecurities were lifted. I loved that movie but the whole festival voodoo made me resent it. Welcome back stranger.

I have found success online but the film festival market is impossible to break into!!! It happens over and over again. I create more, I interact more, more people watch my films but it is *only* online, right? Festivals and all that feel like one big club that I never seem to get into.

I have started a series of Blurring podcasts. The first episode “Blurring Fat” is one of my favorite pieces. I love that I didn’t have to rely on anything superficial. All the drama is there, in the performance.

Republished with my permission.

• Emotionally hard scenes take longer. They just do. Schedule a lot of time to relax and to sink in the surroundings. So if an emotional scene is half hour to shoot, double it. Don’t rush these scenes in terms of schedule.
• Get help! Get help with anything and everything way before you can shoot.
• Though the actors do not like it, letting the camera roll while they interact is wonderful. They look natural.
• Surprisingly, the lack of extra’s was not that big of a problem. Don’t worry yourself silly about such things. If you don’t have everything, focus on cutaways. Build little pieces.
• Pacing is not present when directing. I create it in my editing. Not good.
• Get sound whenever you can, even if the scene is silent.
• Not enough attention to foreground. When you do, it is beautiful.
• With Crew and Actors: get people that are excited. Don’t demand their commitment because they will surely break it. If they are excited, that is important. People stuck because they were excited. Not because of commitments. This might change when you pay them but as of right now, get people who are excited. They will commit. Don’t ask for it, if you have to, then they will surely disappoint.
• The actual improv’s were good but they did not transfer well on the day of the shoot. Maybe it is best kept for day of the shoot.
• With directing actors, don’t be afraid to repeat yourself. Not everything has to be new. Convince through sheer repetition. Actually describe key plot points even if it is obvious.
• I am confused when they ask me a question? Whether to answer fully or have them investigate, no way came out on top.
• You should have asked Steve about possibly changing his hair color, his current look was perfect.
• Not enough cutaways were prepared prior to shoot. Don’t wait for editing or even at the day of the shoot. The best cutaways were the ones that were prepared in advance.
• If you are not prepared, you come into work afraid, feeling like a idiot, apologetic, in a haze. If you are not prepared in some aspect, get over it quickly. State that you are not prepared, tell people you need help. That makes them aggressive in trying to help you which is good.
• Try as hard as you can to create longer shots, even if the scene does not need it. Easier to cut it down than elongating it with slow mo.
• Do not hide behind the camera. Even there is a little break in the shooting. Set the camera down and talk to the actors. They prefer talking without the camera in your hands. They probably think they have more time to discuss and thus are more relaxed.
• There is no perfect casting. You have to develop the role for the actor as you develop them for the role. Some sweet spot in the middle is what you are looking for.
• Spend some time rehearsing the blocking ON LOCATION. That will make it easier for you to describe to the actors what has to take place. Do not make it too written in stone. The purpose of doing this is for you to feel the place, where the camera can best capture the scene and, most importantly, if it makes sense (logically & emotionally).
• The scene where Rosie spills water on her arms, it took several takes over many days to capture it right. Because I had not thought the scene out completely. In my head, the blocking worked but on set Nikki was frustrated. Because of the problems with the blocking, she doubted the scene and I am sure wished the scene was cut. And by luck, the pot happened to blow, it was captured on camera and we reblocked the scene around that. It worked! But it was luck, you lucky bastard.
• With actors, make them comfortable so they take chances. But be careful to 1) indicate you know what the hell is going on 2) this is your film and 3) keep enough of the nervous energy because that helps as well.
• Plan time for the actors to eat and be somewhat lazy. Because, otherwise they will make it on their own.
• With shorts, keep your ideas (especially visual ideas) streamlined. Shorts are a different animal, they want to do a lot in little amounts of time with little variations.
• Know that “suspension of disbelief” exists. All through the shoot and editing, you and others will doubt whether something is believable. It DOES! I mean you cannot do anything but as long the film makes its own logical sense, people believe it. They want the mental exercise. Alternate universe logic applies.
• Get married or get a girlfriend/boyfriend. Because you are going to need them.

I added a new post (Maroon) to Squiggle. Definitely not my best, probably not my worst. But it was easily the hardest, the most embarrassing and the piece that will continue to haunt me. The reasons are simple, my face is analyzed. When beauty is achieved, I feel vain. When ugliness is achieved, I feel pain (no rhyming intended). The only time I was happy with it is when I lose myself in front of the camera, where I am unawares of the camera. And I can truly say that I surprised myself with that ability, and more, with my courage. But I feel I edited out some truly good acting moments. I understand now why actors see editors as arch rivals. In this case, I was my own worst enemy.

Sometimes I edited something because I did not look good. Yes, I was deeply shallow. This is not the right thing to do — to edit one’s own acting. Sometimes I edited because at the time I wasn’t feeling what should be felt. Even though, that means nothing, especially in this case. Why? Because I was basically editing myself saying gibberish. No, not the content, the actual language I spoke was gibberish. A series of bidibi’s. After a couple of hours of editing. I felt like I was losing my head. I had to take more breaks to differentiate the bidibi’s. It was easily the most absurd thing I have ever created and I have created a shitload of absurdity.

I was initially going to talk gibberish, whatever came out of my mouth. But it was hard, creating gibberish and remembering the lines. Kelly suggested bidibi. It was brilliant. It helped my performance, all I had to do was focus on the tone of my voice and my expressions.

There is another personal element to this piece. To those that truly like me and respect me, they will see something. To those who don’t will unable to see anything substantial. I can say this because no one currently is aware of this blog. This isn’t me trying to stick them up. I don’t plan to do nothing here but write. But it is interesting to hear people’s reaction. Do they see my courage? Or do they see me falling on my face? Do they see what I am trying to say? Or do they see me acting?

I am afraid my Mom will hate it but only because of good reasons though. She will wonder why I would put myself in danger of being further stereotyped. Others that hate it, will see all that rough coming out. I am overstepping my boundaries, I am out of my element and they see the limits of my abilities. The nurturers of my life will see growth and they will encourage me. It is like the Godfather, when Michael is advised by his father that the traitors will show themselves in such and such way.

I don’t think I am against criticism. No. I know this piece has a lot of crap. I have watched it once all the way through. Seriously. It bored me to tears. But someone’s comment can indicate how they see me. A compliment means nothing but instead what they choose to compliment. Same with criticisms. Some are giving you something, others are seriously thinking about your growth as an artist.

Am I being analytical? Yes. And I wish I could stop. Funny thing is that it doesn’t affect my confidence as such. It is just intriguing. I hate to feel like an idiot is more like it. I want to know whether people real like me. Not because I might be disliked but that I will be a sucker for somone’s crap. I want to know who my real friends are.

All the gibberish stops here.