Strictly Personal

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SquiggleBooth redesign

I am finally satisfied with the SquiggleBooth design. The previous design was terrible on Internet Explorer. In terms of functionality, it didn’t highlight the best stuff or even distinguish one post from the other. So I started from scratch and it was easier than I thought it would. In the past, when I have to redesign a WordPress theme, I usually had to learn the method to the original designers madness before adding my changes.

Currently: July 2007

– Taking too long editing on Walkthru, a Kathleen Connally documentary that will be on Squigglebooth shortly.
– Finishing up my main site. Sometimes, with things that there is no pressure to finish, I will carry on and on with something. Currently, the only thing left is the “Hype” page but I keep procrastinating. It is simple enough but I am simply not interested. So…
– Checking out locations, finding actors for Hello, Sorry, Whatever — a short to be shot in August. Jim who is producing the short has been wonderful. Different mindset from me but it works.
– Writing for Ticklebooth and Scene Interactive blog. Takes most of my mornings.
– Thinking about starting to write a feature screenplay.
– Thinking about recording my thoughts on audio. Like an audio journal. We’ll see.
– Thinking about what to make for Kelly for anniversary. I usually make a video of some kind.

Got back from Alabama where Kelly’s maternal grandparents live. Apu got some kind of rash around his neck, took him to the vet. Man, is it expensive.

Work vs Work

I have found success online but the film festival market is impossible to break into!!! It happens over and over again. I create more, I interact more, more people watch my films but it is *only* online, right? Festivals and all that feel like one big club that I never seem to get into.

Blurring Fat

I have started a series of Blurring podcasts. The first episode “Blurring Fat” is one of my favorite pieces. I love that I didn’t have to rely on anything superficial. All the drama is there, in the performance.

The Web of Cool

Does everything newsworthy online have to be cool. Outside of the political blogosphere, I find everything passed around in some way, shape or form is supposedly cool. It could be cruelly cool, awfully cool, plain cool, sexy cool or geeky cool. Everybody is trying to make up for their cheesy high school days. Proving they have something to say by linking to cool things.

All the serious works are almost never appreciated. If they are, they are ingested in short amounts or in small groups. This is especially true with films. Short comedies play best online whether it be virals, fiction, non-fiction. It is king of the hill. Serious films are like party poopers. Raining on the parade.

I have tried to link to serious stuff on Tickle but only after I have already linked to some 27th- Rather cool video. All my traffic points to the cool stuff. This worries me about Squiggle. I have too many serious ideas. I wonder if they will be appreciated.

August 27th – I resume writing

What is happening currently is a great example, everyone is talking about planet Pluto being removed from our planetary system. Every blogger has an angle. But it means nothing. It is geeky enough where everyone can participate. Even someone like me who failed science can join in. I know Pluto is the last planet and I can pretend that it bothers me. Even in jest, I look somewhat hip because I am concerned about a planet. Who gives a fuck? People love to add shit in between them and anything truly newsworthy.

Now mind you, I exaggerate. People are mostly making a big deal about something that is not a big deal and thus arriving at the joke. But I stopped laughing after seeing the first outraged headline. The rest was “enough already!” It is like lawyers creating lingo only they can decipher or enjoy. This pseudo-geek culture is now creating its own lingo. Pluto is a blogger’s wink to other bloggers that he is getting the joke and he will modify it every so slightly to show individuality. At least with lawyers, you assume they create lingo to create shortcuts in everyday. What are pseudo-geeks doing it for? Being cool, now that’s lame.

Am I done? We will see.

Courage & Embarrassment

I added a new post (Maroon) to Squiggle. Definitely not my best, probably not my worst. But it was easily the hardest, the most embarrassing and the piece that will continue to haunt me. The reasons are simple, my face is analyzed. When beauty is achieved, I feel vain. When ugliness is achieved, I feel pain (no rhyming intended). The only time I was happy with it is when I lose myself in front of the camera, where I am unawares of the camera. And I can truly say that I surprised myself with that ability, and more, with my courage. But I feel I edited out some truly good acting moments. I understand now why actors see editors as arch rivals. In this case, I was my own worst enemy.

Sometimes I edited something because I did not look good. Yes, I was deeply shallow. This is not the right thing to do — to edit one’s own acting. Sometimes I edited because at the time I wasn’t feeling what should be felt. Even though, that means nothing, especially in this case. Why? Because I was basically editing myself saying gibberish. No, not the content, the actual language I spoke was gibberish. A series of bidibi’s. After a couple of hours of editing. I felt like I was losing my head. I had to take more breaks to differentiate the bidibi’s. It was easily the most absurd thing I have ever created and I have created a shitload of absurdity.

I was initially going to talk gibberish, whatever came out of my mouth. But it was hard, creating gibberish and remembering the lines. Kelly suggested bidibi. It was brilliant. It helped my performance, all I had to do was focus on the tone of my voice and my expressions.

There is another personal element to this piece. To those that truly like me and respect me, they will see something. To those who don’t will unable to see anything substantial. I can say this because no one currently is aware of this blog. This isn’t me trying to stick them up. I don’t plan to do nothing here but write. But it is interesting to hear people’s reaction. Do they see my courage? Or do they see me falling on my face? Do they see what I am trying to say? Or do they see me acting?

I am afraid my Mom will hate it but only because of good reasons though. She will wonder why I would put myself in danger of being further stereotyped. Others that hate it, will see all that rough coming out. I am overstepping my boundaries, I am out of my element and they see the limits of my abilities. The nurturers of my life will see growth and they will encourage me. It is like the Godfather, when Michael is advised by his father that the traitors will show themselves in such and such way.

I don’t think I am against criticism. No. I know this piece has a lot of crap. I have watched it once all the way through. Seriously. It bored me to tears. But someone’s comment can indicate how they see me. A compliment means nothing but instead what they choose to compliment. Same with criticisms. Some are giving you something, others are seriously thinking about your growth as an artist.

Am I being analytical? Yes. And I wish I could stop. Funny thing is that it doesn’t affect my confidence as such. It is just intriguing. I hate to feel like an idiot is more like it. I want to know whether people real like me. Not because I might be disliked but that I will be a sucker for somone’s crap. I want to know who my real friends are.

All the gibberish stops here.

I am tired of blogging already

This might be my first post here but I have been blogging for what feels like ages. I started innocently with a site that was going to revolve around my favorite scenes in film but because of technical difficulties, I abandoned it. I then created a blog for my short film “Dear Stranger.” It is not abandoned but there is only so much you can write about a short film without sounding obnoxious.

I then started with the ‘booth sites. Ticklebooth is a site to find cool videos. This has clearly been the most successful venture online. And even if the traffic is good, I wonder why it is not a bigger deal. Yes, that was arrogance. Then there is Squigglebooth, a community based video podcasting site. This is my baby. The one that keeps me up at night. The one that makes me feel like I am not wasting my time. Only time will tell on what fate awaits Squigglebooth.

Then there is my secret blog where I scream, rant, use foul language, and pretty much curse out everyone without using the names, of course. It would be almost impossible for anyone to find the blog especially with thousands of blogs starting up everyday. And if someone did, I will surely give a well-deserved reward.

So what is this site for? I don’t know. Random text, personal text, ideas, no rules, no pressure, a home.

Continue

Personal blog of filmmaker/blogger:

Ajit Anthony Prem

For much of his life, Ajit lived peacefully and joyously in a fantasy world of his own making. One day, not too long ago, he found himself happily married. Since then he has boldly and quietly stepped onto the real world. However, if you spend enough time with Ajit, you will realize that the fantasy land has stepped out with him.

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Contacting Ajit

You can email Ajit at ajitanthonyprem@gmail.com